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This week I watched a boy learn to hit a full-size golf
club. I've been working on this for many years, but it
took him about 20 minutes, and therein lies a valuable
life lesson.
I was hitting practice balls on the driving range when
this little kid comes up, dragging a full-size Titleist
driver behind him. He told me he had borrowed it from
the Pro shop and wanted to try it out. I think he was
about 10 years old, but small for his age. I watched him
clumsily swing the club a few times, then he teed up his
first golf ball. Predictably, his "swing" was pretty
wild and the ball squiggled a few yards off the toe of
the club.
I figured he would either get discouraged and give up, or
like many "adult" golfers, he'd get angry and try harder,
with ever poorer results. Instead, he got a look of
total concentration on his face. He kept swinging that
club, and every now and then, he'd hit another ball.
Pretty soon, that little kid was making good contact! He
still hit the ball like a kid, maybe 100 yards or so, but
it was generally straight, and had a solid feel. He was
swinging that huge club (it was slightly longer than he
was tall), and making good shots! How is that possible?
He was learning from the results and feedback he got,
thinking about what he was doing, making adjustments,
then trying again. Without the pressure to be "right"
that adults often feel, he was able to learn a tremendous
amount in just a few minutes, all by himself.
If only we could all do that!
There is a Buddhist idea called "beginners mind". As I
understand it, the idea is to open ourselves and accept
the experiences, wisdom, and feedback life offers us.
Life is always offering us lessons - lessons about what
works, and what doesn't, lessons about where we find joy,
and about success and living well.
We are all capable of living well! We know what works for
us, what we love doing, where we find happiness, and what
fascinates us. We know what challenges and fulfills us,
we know where our talents lie, and how we should live!
Unfortunately, most adults are so full of ideas about how
life "should" be done, that we miss the obvious. Instead
of doing what's productive, we work too hard, we "try"
and we struggle, and too often we fail to achieve even
the most basic definition of success - living a life we
truly enjoy.
Here are two quick examples: One of my friends prides
himself on his flower gardens every year. But this year
they are a mess, and I asked him why. He answered that,
"With all the trips, my work, and things we have to do
this summer, there's just no time!" He's having such a
productive summer, that he's missing the thing he loves most!
Similarly, I've watched a couple I know pursue "success"
to the point of exhaustion and financial distress. They
work very hard, but they spend more than they earn, so
they "have to" make more money, be even more "successful",
and it's driving them crazy. They are not happy people,
and yet the thought of slowing down, and perhaps trying
another way doesn't interest them.
They are not learning from the feedback life gives them.
In our hearts, we all know what we truly want for our
lives. Some people want unusual financial success, or
political power, or something "extraordinary". But, for
many of us, living well is really a very ordinary thing.
We want to laugh with our friends. We want time for
ourselves and our loved ones, a bit of money, work that
challenges us, and a community that supports us.
Like that little kid, listen to the feedback life offers
you! Do what works. Try new ways, be willing to be
unconventional and find your own path. You are a genius
at knowing what you truly want, what fulfills you, and
what brings you joy. Do that. All those other "oughts"
and "shoulds" are someone else's path! Let them walk it,
but not you!
Trust your heart, and follow your dreams. Listen to
life and learn from the results you get. If what you're
doing isn't bringing you joy, try another way! Life is
too short and the possibilities are too magnificent to
waste time trying to do it "right". Trust your own
instincts, check the results, then experiment until
you find your particular way to live a great life!
Copyright 2000 Dr Humbert is a coach, author and popular keynote,
workshop and seminar speaker. For information,
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